Refresh or Renovate?


Sometimes we need or want a change
Something to look different.
To put a twinkle in your eye
That’s the way I think about mental health in regards to grieving
We have options nowadays:
We can choose therapy with a licensed mental health provider.
I really like that option, especially for individuals who are nonperforming
We get a chance to talk about the past, relive the memories of what occurred with
With the loved ones that are no longer here.
We get to learn tools to keep us functioning.


What happens beyond that stage and space?


This is where I see grief coaching.
We deal with the future you.
We talk about how you are living with this grief 1 day, 30 days, 3 months, 30 years from now.
We get the tools to take our grief from functioning to evolving.
We get to renovate our current thoughts around grief.



It’s akin to deciding what to do with the kitchen.


A couple of years ago I did a refresh. I painted the walls a new color, switched the knobs on all of the cabinetry, tightened all screws on all appliances, added a clock. The kitchen was refreshed and newer.   


This year I am going to replace everything.
I will get new appliances.
I will get new cabinetry.
The walls are going to stay the same but I am going to hang some pictures.
The structure of the kitchen is staying the same but all of the old things that have been
Around for decades are going to get replaced with something new.




Are you ready to renovate your grief?  Click HERE to find out how.


Talk to you soon,
Coach Monaye


I live in the Midwest in the USA and the winter has been long and ever-changing this year.
We have experienced temperatures ranging from -4° F to 68° F
One day it is 68° with lots of sun and the next day there is 8-10 inches of snow and ice on the ground.
Spring weather please hurry up and get here asap!!
Changing of the seasons can get tricky for a lot of people.
Each new season my body gets very confused and wants to get sick.
Grief can be the same.

One day or moment your thermostat can be high when thinking of your loved one and then the thermostat can be very low.
There are times when your body may be very confused with trying to decide how to respond to you.
The good news is you can decide where you want your thermostat to stay.
You get a chance to choose the range, how to cool off or heat up.
Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall – You get to choose your season!!
To learn how, schedule a chat with me. CLICK HERE TO CHAT
Talk to you soon
Coach Monaye
FEELINGSI got all the feelings  🙎🏾‍♀️
I do a daily thought dump where I let all the good and the bad flow right out of my head onto paper or laptop.
When it brings up is lots of feelings.
Each line I am thinking about stirs up a feeling inside me.
Today I felt sad.
I was sad because I wasn’t sure if I was making the best decision for my daughter.
I had to do that important thing we get to do as a parent and discipline her. 
I care and love her soo much it is super important that I don’t hold back when it’s time to have the hard conversations.
I care and love her soo much it is pertinent that I know my restrictions is to give her structure.
I sighed.  😔   
I cried. 😢
I took action and know I made the right decision.  
The reason I know; is because I came up with the decision from within myself.
I asked my God and my brain and behold, the correct restriction for this situation appeared in my mind on my paper.
Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings. Don’t be afraid to see what you can do when you are having negative feelings.
Coach Monaye

I’m multilingual; are you???

“De mortuis nihil nisi bonum”

Do you speak other languages?

This is latin. 

It means to not speak ill of the dead. 

I speak many languages that I consider inaudible. 

Language of the heart – LOVE

Language of the heart – GRIEF

The language I do not choose to speak is ill words.

Whether a person was someone you like, loved, or hated I don’t find it useful to speak ill words regarding the dead.

I often wonder why do choose to speak ill of the dead…

Then I decided I would love those people even more.

I choose my language of LOVE to share with the world. 

What’s your favorite language?

Are you absent?

For real, where are you?
I asked myself that question for a couple of days in a row.
In my head, I felt completely absent. I didn’t want to think of anything.
I wanted my mind to be on holiday/vacation.
I wanted to not think about duties.
I wanted to forget my tasks.
I wanted to think nothing.
And you know what.
I didn’t work. Instead, I thought about those things even more.
I thought about how I wasn’t getting things done.
I thought about how my absence was affecting others.
I thought about how I could be maximizing my time.
And then TODAY…….. I did it!
I got to it. I got to work. I started acting.
And I mean massive action.
Action instead of absence.
What I could have avoided if I chose to just act instead of choosing to be absent and still spend soo much thinking about what I wasn’t doing.
No Longer Absent

You Have an Obligation to Your Kids

My daughter told me I had to take care of her, that’s what parents do.

I replied, “Well your father is no longer taking care of you.”

She responded, “Momma that’s mean….. he’s dead.”

You may be thinking that was a harsh thing to say to her but it’s true.

Why does he get off the hook because he died earlier than we all expected
and now I am OBLIGATED to play the role of his and mine.

Yep, murder it was and I still think this way.


Because I’m human. I am a mother to a grieving kid who just wants me to GIVE her
all the things.

Because I’m human. I am a mother to a grieving kid who just wants me to DO
all the things.

After a moment of silence, I informed her of this statement I believe to be true in all of our lives:


and that’s it!!!

Sticks and Stones and Words and Bones

Have you heard the old saying:

Stick and stones
May break my bones
Will never HURT me

Yeah I heard it growing up all my life and guess what???


Of course not.

All my life, I grew up hearing that statement but then I would hear a kid getting scolded
by an adult to apologize for hurting someone’s feelings.

Well, which is it?  Do words hurt or not?

I know the answer and words for sure will never hurt me.

What are we teaching our kids?

Especially our children that have experienced trauma.

Are we telling them to not listen to comforting words of others?

Are we telling them to not speak about the hurt and pain they feel from their grief?

Are we using works so lightly as parents because we don’t want to ‘upset’ our grieving kids?

Really take a look at how you may be tiptoe’ing in your speech because you believe words HURT.

Perhaps you don’t believe words do not hurt…. or

Only in light-hearted situation; not topics like rape and murder.

Well, you’re wrong, interested in chatting about it click here so we can talk.

Yes, I’m a Black Woman

In celebration of being a Black Woman in America, I wanted to highlight some Black History this month.

I for sure love my blackness and all the unique things that make me who I am including the coils in my hair.

I get to enjoy many cultural events and delicious food.

Today I want to highlight someone whose oration skills have been known to be the best in the world especially because he was illiterate and could not read.

Harry Hosier – Preacher, Orator, Encourager

Harry was known for giving moving sermons for blacks after the white preacher finished his sermon.

His skills were so impeccable that the white people would stay and listen as well.

Another black preacher asked Harry if he could teach him to read; Harry’s response was he lost the gift to preach when he attempted to learn how to read.

For more about Harry Hosier check out his bio HERE


What I got from learning about Harry is he had a gift and he knew his purpose on Earth.

He went after it and did not allow it to be stripped by being distracted from ‘learning’ to read.

He recognized his talent and skill and chose to walk in it.

Have you identified your gifts, talents, skills?

Are you distracted by ‘learning’ and not doing?

Be like Harry, dispel the distractions and get to your Purpose!

Tax Refund or Bonus


Spring always makes me think of cleaning and money.

No really, either you are preparing to complete your tax return for a refund or extending your return because you owe.

Or the other spectrum. A lot of employers pay out annual compensation increases and bonuses around this tie of the year.


Like the famous rapper, Cardi B said

But nothing in this world that I like more than checks (Money)
All I really wanna see is the (Money)
I don’t really need the D, I need the (Money)

What happens when the money doesn’t come?

What happens when you lose the person that was the breadwinner?

What happens when you need to learn how to come up with a different plan?

What is the backup plan? It’s all good questions.

Some of my clients have told me one of the more challenging things that caused pain after the death of their spouse was the new financial circumstance.

Time is now to have a plan of action.

4 Reasons Why You Should Laugh

4 Reasons Why You Should Laugh

Ohhh and I’m not just talking about any ol’ laughter, I am specifically talking about
laughing at yourself.

I am a person that tends to make some minor mistakes when walking.

I have been known to trip and fall up stairs.

Fall over the air underneath my feet.

And I bust up in laughter. I always knew laughter was good but laughing at myself, woah now!!


Cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore completed a study in 2009 that revealed laughing and with an “active sense of humor” can literally protect against a heart attack. It was also reported to help prevent heart disease.


Dr. Willibald Ruch, Swiss humor expert from the University of Zurich, says a cheerful person seems to be more resilient against negative events and is more able to face adversities in life with a smile.


Laughter builds resilience as well.  The Scientific American attributes endorphins released during laughter to pain relief.


Researchers from Loma Linda University conducted a study examining stress levels and short term memory of adults in their 60s and 70s where one group sat in silence and the other watched funny videos. Well, the humor group showed much higher improvement in their abiity to remember things, 43.6 percent, compared with 20.3 percent in the other group.

Sooo mommies what does that mean for you????