ARE YOU AFRAID TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR BAD CHILD?

 *A trusting father gave his young son a tomato plants. He told him, I am giving these to you to grow. I am going to show you verthing you need to know ONCE!

Everyday this summer you’ll take care of these plants.

And for every one that dies, I’m goig to punish you.

Wow. That sounds soo harsh, Right!

The father continues: But for everyone that give you but juicy tomators, I’m gonna kiss you!

The father explains to the son: Sometimes you’re gog to doeverything right, exactly the way I say and it’s still gonna die.

And I’m still gonna punish you.*

As a mom of kids with trauma, I often wonder should be ‘soft’ on my children.

Am I really helping them when I know the choice they made was not properly thought through or an act of rebellion against someone or something (rules)?

They have already experienced trauma so do I ignore the act or do I respond as I would have they not have experienced the trauma??

And what about the times they make the correct decisions and follow through exactly as they should and something does not turn out the way it should have?

The father in the Netflix series Bad Blood was attempting to teach his child the way of the world.

Sometimes things will not respond the way you thought they would have however you still have to take responsibility for the end results.

Mommies do we teach our children this?

Do we ‘sweeten the deal’ and say everything is OK?

I raise my hand and say I have done both.   Let’s talk about the results from both.

*”Home is Where the Gun Is.” Bad Blood. Netflix. Simon Barry. 2017. Performed by Paul Sorvino. www.netflix.com

TAXES ARE DUE

So in the United States, it’s the tax deadline.

We have to complete paperwork and e-file or mail-in that forms to attest to income earned and taxes paid.

It can be a daunting task depending on which forms you have to fill out and which state you live in. yada yada yada.

Here’s the thing, deadlines are needed and important.

As a mom, I have to enforce deadlines in my house for all kinds of things.

What time the kids need to wake up and when they need to be in bed.

When rooms need to be cleaned.

The time homework needs to be done.

Time of prayer and time of fasting.

It is not always easy being the enforcer of deadlines but it needs to be done, so I do it.

Which deadline is harder for you to enforce with your kiddos?

Coach Monaye

Change is UNCOMFORTABLE

In the talks of being born, this is a very active month in my life.

Many of my loves have holidays this month.

I am a person that really like to talk about arrivals, new things, and changes.

In my mind, I think of new adventures and get completely scared.

Have you been tasked with a new opportunity at home, work, community involvement and completely freaked out?  😳

Yeah; me too!

I have found out that I have to choose to be uncomfortable to get over the ‘freaked out’ moment and actually get some stuff done.

To be very transparent, writing these blogs freaks me out. I am sharing with everyone out loud! Very loud. LOL 📯📯

What feeling do you get when there is something new or different you have to do?  What is the feeling you have when you are challenged with difficulty?

Let me know and if you want to chat about HERE, click here so we can chat.

Talk to you soon,

Coach Monaye

Happy Holiday to ME

OMG, my holiday is in 2 days.

If you saw the last post you are aware my son holiday was 1 week ago.

When I was pregnant with him I was high risk. I was on bed rest more than once and as a young mommy, I didn’t follow the rules.

Instead, I chose to disobey the doctors order the first time which prolonged the bedrest order.

I wasn’t worried.

I was getting paid 60% of my regular pay so it wasn’t like I didn’t have money coming in.

Of course, the baby was going to be fine but there is no way I can lay in this bed for 3 weeks.

They finally released me back to work and on my next visit, they put me on bed rest again.

This time I chose to take it seriously.

I decided my health and my son’s health was worth it.

I begin to think about the exclaimed concerns my doctor had.

It became very important to me.

Upon release the second time and the next visit the results were better.

but

some things had already occurred.

He was required to stay in the hospital until he could breathe on his own.

The day before my birthday, they stopped allowing me to purchase the room as it was needed for other new mommies.

I had to go home without the boy.

They rolled me out with all of the gifts, clothes, and plants for him but no him.

On my birthday I went to the hospital, happy to see him and he did something he had never done before.

He breathed his first breath on his own. he could come home.

He is a man now. And each year after we celebrate his holiday I get to celebrate his life all over again. 2 holidays in one day.

What Fun!  What is a memorable moment of your child’s life you always tell?

A Child Was Born

I remember when the doctor told me, it was indeed not ‘an abundance of flatulence’ but was a new baby to be born in nine months.

I spent a few hours pondering how this love was going to forever change my life and his dads. We were not married and I was young, a statistic in fact, but I knew it was going to be challenging.

It didn’t change my mind, I was going to have a baby.

This day also reminds me of my son’s father who was murdered.

Yes, I said it.

I did not say he died.

I did not say he was killed.

I said it he was murdered.

On this day I get the chance to celebrate the life of one and the memory of another.

Do my son talk about him? No not anymore.

So why is it hard for me on this day?

It’s because I choose to think about him and the lovely memories we shared together.

I choose to make these tears of joy of a life lived.

I choose to think of his life being fulfilled to that day.

Will I ever know what other things he may have achieved on this Earth? No!

But I know I can choose to remember him exactly as I do on this day every year.

What do you choose to think on special days that are linked to the murder of someone you loved, knew or heard about?

BE A BETTER YOU!            BUT HOW??

Truly what is the definition of better?

I’ve come to realize its all based on how I want to evolve.

Have you really thought about evolution and what it has to do with you?

Last year was emotionally charged for me.

A couple of deaths, new business ventures, changes in employment, mothering at a higher level and weight among other things.

I made the decision to pay attention to my mind in January 2018.

Let me just say my mind went into a frenzy.

I paid close attention to its fears, suggestions, desires…..

And you know what, I found I could totally choose how to defeat my fears.

I used to think they had a hold on my me.

I would pray to God to remove them and I know he was helping but I still needed to do my part.

My part meant I needed to PUNCH MY FEARS IN THE FACE.

I have to think differently, I had to choose my own destiny and that’s what I did.

I got out a pen and paper and wrote down my fears and what I thought about each then choose a different thinking pattern.  I retrained my brain.

SAY WHAT, SAY WHAT

Yes, it’s true I retrained my brain.

You want to do it too??

Let’s chat at no cost to you simply click HERE to chat with me.

Coach Monaye – Brain Re-Imagined

Refresh or Renovate?

 

Sometimes we need or want a change
 
Something to look different.
 
To put a twinkle in your eye
 
That’s the way I think about mental health in regards to grieving
 
We have options nowadays:
We can choose therapy with a licensed mental health provider.
I really like that option, especially for individuals who are nonperforming
We get a chance to talk about the past, relive the memories of what occurred with
With the loved ones that are no longer here.
We get to learn tools to keep us functioning.

 

What happens beyond that stage and space?

 

This is where I see grief coaching.
We deal with the future you.
We talk about how you are living with this grief 1 day, 30 days, 3 months, 30 years from now.
We get the tools to take our grief from functioning to evolving.
We get to renovate our current thoughts around grief.

 


 

It’s akin to deciding what to do with the kitchen.

 

A couple of years ago I did a refresh. I painted the walls a new color, switched the knobs on all of the cabinetry, tightened all screws on all appliances, added a clock. The kitchen was refreshed and newer.   
REFRESH = THERAPY

 

This year I am going to replace everything.
I will get new appliances.
I will get new cabinetry.
The walls are going to stay the same but I am going to hang some pictures.
The structure of the kitchen is staying the same but all of the old things that have been
Around for decades are going to get replaced with something new.

 

RENOVATE = COACHING

 

Are you ready to renovate your grief?  Click HERE to find out how.

 

Talk to you soon,
 
Coach Monaye
 

SPRING & GRIEF

 
I live in the Midwest in the USA and the winter has been long and ever-changing this year.
 
We have experienced temperatures ranging from -4° F to 68° F
 
One day it is 68° with lots of sun and the next day there is 8-10 inches of snow and ice on the ground.
 
Spring weather please hurry up and get here asap!!
 
Changing of the seasons can get tricky for a lot of people.
 
Each new season my body gets very confused and wants to get sick.
 
Grief can be the same.

 
One day or moment your thermostat can be high when thinking of your loved one and then the thermostat can be very low.
 
There are times when your body may be very confused with trying to decide how to respond to you.
 
The good news is you can decide where you want your thermostat to stay.
 
You get a chance to choose the range, how to cool off or heat up.
 
Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall – You get to choose your season!!
 
To learn how, schedule a chat with me. CLICK HERE TO CHAT
 
Talk to you soon
 
Coach Monaye
FEELINGSI got all the feelings  🙎🏾‍♀️
 
I do a daily thought dump where I let all the good and the bad flow right out of my head onto paper or laptop.
 
When it brings up is lots of feelings.
 
Each line I am thinking about stirs up a feeling inside me.
 
Today I felt sad.
 
I was sad because I wasn’t sure if I was making the best decision for my daughter.
 
I had to do that important thing we get to do as a parent and discipline her. 
 
I care and love her soo much it is super important that I don’t hold back when it’s time to have the hard conversations.
 
I care and love her soo much it is pertinent that I know my restrictions is to give her structure.
 
I sighed.  😔   
I cried. 😢
 
I took action and know I made the right decision.  
 
The reason I know; is because I came up with the decision from within myself.
 
I asked my God and my brain and behold, the correct restriction for this situation appeared in my mind on my paper.
 
Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings. Don’t be afraid to see what you can do when you are having negative feelings.
 
Coach Monaye
 

I’m multilingual; are you???

“De mortuis nihil nisi bonum”


Do you speak other languages?

This is latin. 

It means to not speak ill of the dead. 

I speak many languages that I consider inaudible. 

Language of the heart – LOVE

Language of the heart – GRIEF

The language I do not choose to speak is ill words.

Whether a person was someone you like, loved, or hated I don’t find it useful to speak ill words regarding the dead.

I often wonder why do choose to speak ill of the dead…
and

Then I decided I would love those people even more.

I choose my language of LOVE to share with the world. 

What’s your favorite language?