It is with a heavy heart I write this Monday Mourning because I am mourning for others.
People I do not know.
People who are not in my city.
People I may have never crossed paths.
But people nonetheless.
When mass murder occurs I want to go hug all the families.
I want to find all the children who are without parents and cry with them.
I don’t want to think like a life coach I just want to sit with people and cry…if only for a moment.
That is what I do.
I find a support group and offer to take calls.
Just being a listening ear can help in so many ways.
Allowing the person to grieve however they need to express at that moment.
Allowing them to be completely vunerable and transparent with a stranger.
What do you do?
What would you do differently?
If you are someone that lost a family member to one of the recent mass murders do not hesitate to call me. I have a willing heart and a listening ear.
Mom are you hiding????
I know you know what I am talking about.
Yes, you are doing all the things every day.
Taking care of the kids.
Talking care of the house.
You may to people on the phone but don’t really let out how you are really feeling.
You are concerned with the way they will judge you because you are feeling sad.
You are concerned with the way they will judge you because you are feeling stuck.
You are concerned with the way they will judge you because you are STILL grieving.
Listen, there is no reason to stay in that place all along,
I know because I was just there.
Too stuck to take action because of what not wanting people to know I am struggling.
I am grieving.
And I didn’t want to tell anyone because it seemed so trivial.
But that trivial thing had me stuck.
I was grieving the city I recently moved from.
Not the people in the city, but the familiarity of the city.
Knowing all the streets, where to find and purchase things, my favorite landmarks…
Who knew THAT would be the reason I would be stuck and hiding
Mommy why are you hiding?
At the beginning of my grief journey 15 years ago, I was lost yall.
I was so unsure about what to do.
I did not know what to say to my survivor.
He was only six years old.
I saw it on the tv all the time but this was close.
Lost confidence in myself as a mommy.
Decided I should say nothing to my survivor.
Mommy if this is you right now, I can help you.
I totally figured out what was wrong, first by identifying the lack of confidence as self-doubt.
I was doubting how and what I should say.
The way to become more confident is by choosing to believe what you are thinking in which your opinion of yourself and your opinion of your doubts are strong and motivating and determined.
I know that’s a lot.
Let me help you walk through this process.
Step 1: Start by thinking about something you want for your survivor.
Step 2: Write down what you are thinking
Step 3: Notice all of your self-doubt come up about what you what
Step 4: Click HERE to chit-chat with me and I will walk you through steps 4 & 5.
The cool thing is when we complete these steps you can use this tool for any area you lack confidence.
Looking forward to talking to you soon.
Have you ever known the answer and someone decides they want to argue with them that you are incorrect?
I mean like really argue with you and you for sure know the truth.
I think about that every time it happens after the first rebuttal I remember, I am the one looking foolish arguing with the fool.
I really laugh at myself and walk away or exit the conversation.
Now imagine you arguing with your teen survivor about how they should handle the grieving process.
Imagine you telling him how it should look and he tells you everything is fine.
This back and forth only makes you look like the fool Mom.
Instead, you can change the narrative and the outcome.
What if you weren’t *over-concerned* and knew the right questions to ask instead?
Well… That is what I teach mommies in my 6 week Mommy Grief Training program.
If you want to get those answers the link → Mommy Grief Training to register for the next training.
Talk to you soon.
I was thinking about how upset I was when I found out the shooter is going to be released.
How in the world would they let that happen to my kids?
All of the evidence was right there.
As I was driving home, I was trying to create the ‘perfect’ words to tell the kids.
I don’t want to blindside them at court, so I might as well tell them we are screwed right now.
Then I thought about when I give them this information would I be considered the villain or victim.
Telling them this information in an angry tone, with sadness and crying could be portrayed as a victim.
If I tell them in a way that they should just allow the justice system to be what it is and there is nothing we were going to do about it. I could be portrayed as a villain.
What a dilemma.
How many times mommy, have you looked at the death as a reason to turn into a victim?
Talking to everyone about how bad this situation is? How the world is crazy?
The perpetrator for sure is the villain and you are the victim.
That was me.
Then I decided I wanted to be a survivor and not the victim.
I wanted to teach my kids how to do the same.
It was a mind shift.
Wanna Learn How? —– Click this link Chit-chat to go from Victim to Survivor to set up some to chat with me when you are available. A quick chat will get you from Victim to Survivor!!!
Who are you?
How do you identify yourself?
Who do others say you are?
All valid questions right.
Now how much have you really put into answering those questions?
I’m not talking about the practiced elevator speech but really who you are as a person today.
Coach Monaye, who are you?
I am a mother of two kids.
I am a woman who lives in integrity.
I am an example of a mom who helps her children process grief and trauma.
I am a badass! Like really.
I choose daily how I want to feel and I do really hard things.
I fail often and I fail forward.
I overcome obstacles and prepare for challenges.
I am the Ish’ because I SAID SO.
I am a Life and Grief Coach who loves to give value to all I encounter.
I help Mommies, I help Kiddos, I help Fathers, I help the WORLD.
Soooo WHO ARE YOU??????
Talk to you soon
Immediately after the murder of their father, I feared my children would reject God.
….they would reject God because the murder happened to someone who was minding his business and not bothering anyone.
I compared the death to someone who had chosen to place themselves in harm’s way.
You know, a person that is involved in gangs, drug life, violent acts towards others: oh they will get what they deserved.
My thoughts were completely misplaced at the beginning of this journey.
He wasn’t one of those people. He was a gentleman who just wanted to live and raise his kids.
He was just a mona who wanted to find laughter in tough situations.
Let’s chat at no cost to you simply click HERE to chat with me.